Sunday, October 28, 2012

My Cancer Story...I was never going to tell here..part one

I was never going to tell this story here.. not because I am ashamed of it...not because I don't want people to know. I just kinda wanted this blog to be cooking and crafts..and crazy parenting stories. But I woke up this morning with the need to tell this story...with the need to let it be known... Which you know what that means to me. Someone out there needs to hear it right now. Someone out there is where I was.. So share this story..send people to this page if you know they are fighting and need to hear it... Even when they give you no hope... there is hope.. there is always hope. I am living proof of that. I will tell it in parts..because its a very long story..and although I am proud to have fought it...telling it for me is reliving it. To be honest with you.. I wouldn't change a thing. It made me who I am today.. it shaped me and my heart.

I'm 31 and a stay at home mom... of soon to be 3 kids. I can close my eyes and I would still be riding horses down trails.. slinging mud on four wheelers ...chasing chickens around.. waiting on Friday night or Saturday morning..because that's when the adventures always began. It didn't last long enough... those care-free kid days. I lost them at 17 years old. I went for a job that required a physical. A simple finger stick changed my life. A few days after that finger stick I was told my life was over. When I was 17 years old I was diagnosed with A.M.L. leukemia. A rare and aggressive cancer. At the time they found it 39 percent of my blood was cancer. I was told no one over 18 percent had every survived it. Therefore I was terminal. They gave me 2 weeks to live. Every time those doctors opened the door and came in they had bad news...horrible news. I was then offered an experimental chemo... If I took this chemo...my hair would fall out... I would never be able to have kids not that, that mattered because I would live maybe 4 weeks. Boy did they sell it good. To a 17 year old what they just describe was as good as saying your gonna die anyways how bout you be a guinea pig first. I refused the treatment. Because in GA 17 is a legal adult and they couldn't do anything to my body that I didn't approve of.  My Uncle lost his mind on me. My Uncle Bron... I was always close to the men  in my family. My Dad wasn't around much... well my biological Dad I didn't meet until I was 16 years old... and my Step-Dad whom came into my life at 2 years old didn't have much time for me. But my Papa... my Uncle Bron and my Uncle Greg had plenty of time for me. I was the first born grand-baby. I was born to a teen Mom. Who loved me but my grandparents were controlling.. and so they and my Mom raised me. I bounced back and fourth between everyone in my family though. I was a village baby. What I mean is everyone had a hand in raising me. So today the person I am is as much pieces of my Mom as it is pieces of my Uncles and Grandparents...all squished into the pieces that could be only me. Back to my Uncle. I was in Atlanta 80 miles away...he drove towards me like on a mission. I believe I could even feel him heading for me. I waited in my hospital bed dreading what was coming... In stomps Uncle Bron... I figured he was mad he wasn't he was crying. Not openly but I could look in his eyes and read it. The tears he wasn't shedding in front of me. I could feel his fear..his sadness and his anger. He loved me...he wanted me to fight... we are fighters by nature.. Way too much Irish courses through our veins to lay down and take it. He begged he pleaded and eventually he conned me into it. So I took those treatments. He stayed with me through round one. Asked me if I needed or wanted anything... he would get it for me. I did. So I rattled off my list. Pizza Hut Pan Pizza with pepperoni and extra cheese, a tattoo and a corvette. He looked at me with a serious face and said I will get the pizza now... I will pay for the tattoo and hold your hand if the Dr clears it...and you will have that Corvette as soon as I can find you one.. He left and went all over Atlanta in search of Pizza Hut...  Its not one of the main chains down there so it took him an hour to find one and get back. By that time I was set up for my first chemo. I sat there with chemicals pouring into that central line that had only been placed this morning. My first in what would be a long line of surgeries. I couldn't feel the chemo going in. Just like they said. I wouldn't feel any pain from it... that would come later. Anyways my Uncle Bron walked in with the pizza and sat it down. I couldn't eat. I was a bundle of nerves. He walked over to the window and said here is your Corvette...pointing to what I thought was outside. I got up excited the chemo forgotten for a moment... and padded over to the window to look down. I couldn't see a corvette in the cars below.. He said its there keep looking. So I did I kept looking... finally I turned to him and he said look down. I looked down and sitting on the window sill was a hot wheel corvette. I busted out laughing.. Called him a jerk and got back in bed. He cleared the nerves out...and so I was ready for pizza... I ate that pizza only to feel the first of the side effects kick in just a few hours later and lose that pizza.. which he was also there for.. there to hold my hand for the first treatment and he was there to hold my hair back for the first of the side effects.... he was there beside me for the whole journey...off and on... the village that raised me was all there at one point or another.... I am looking at the corvette now. It sits on my desk.. it sits on my desk and reminds me everyday...everyday is a gift..and someone I love...loved me enough to beg me to value that gift...even if it was for 2 weeks... or a month. I am just blessed it has been 14 years now... Sadly the man who loved me so much is no longer with us... he knew more about the gift of life than I realized at that time.

To be continued.....
This was just part one of a very long story...

10 comments:

  1. Cas...I know you've told me bits & pieces of this story. I never thought you would share it all. Not because you're ashamed but because I know how it tears you up inside, how it affects you so much. I've always thought you were so tough and strong to survive the cancer. And you're right, if there is something in you saying "share this story" then there probably is someone going through the same thing who needs the hope & the courage that only you can offer. You're a great person & someone deserves to have you as their role model during a difficult time.

    I admire who you are as a person and I feel so honored to consider you my best friend...my sister. I love you, bitch (sorry, I HAD to break up the mushy mushy stuff)!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have actually had this post in draft form for about 3 weeks now.. I worked on it some last week..and some last night. I want to tell it in a way that people understand. Yes it was sad.. yes it was scary.. But this was the beginning of what made me...Me. This battle was the battle of a lifetime..and if I can fight it anyone can. Im not saying everyone wins.. but I am saying that there is no need to think your going to lose even if your told that you will..Thank you and I love you back..hooker.

      Delete
  2. I am a new follower, and I am proud to read your blog about your life. You are so very fortunate to have beaten the cancer. Praying it stays that way. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I pray for that everyday.. thank you very much for reading... I hope it finds who needed to hear it.

      Delete
  3. Hi! I am your newest follower and was hoping that you would stop by and follow me back! What a blessing and such a journey you have been on... wow. :-)

    www.enjoyingtheepiphany.com

    Thanks!
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I already do follow you Sarah..lol. :)

      Delete
  4. I'm excited to be following along with you from the Mom's Mingle! You have a great story to share! I would love for you to stop by and link up with the Mommy Moments Blog Hop that I am hosting if you get the chance:) It's a great place to meet some awesome moms!

    http://the-life-of-faith.blogspot.com/2012/10/mommy-moments-16.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much for the invite. I would love to link up.

      Delete
  5. I'm so glad you're telling this. Ordinarily I would be opposed to a treatment that would make me so miserably sick for my remaining time. But you've changed my mind. If I were ever in this situation I will definitely remember this story.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that knowing what I know now.. a moment of wonderful is worth all the battle scars I have. So if its all taken away tomorrow...or it all ends and I am not here. I am so glad that I took that chance. My advice is always take the chance.

      Delete